Crying It Out

I caved.

I decided to become an active partner in the sleep training of my children and join my husband's team.  I read the books, I re-read the books, I knew all I needed to know.  And all I want is a self-soothing, well-rested child whom I didn't have to hold and rock for an endless amount of time.  It kind of happened spontaneously, I just said, let's do it, I'm getting out of here.  My mom and my husband stayed and listened to the torturous screams.

LM screamed the hardest and longest.  It was about 50 minutes (according to them).  LBM finally gave up after about 35 minutes.  I've noticed that when one cries, the other really just quiets down and seems to listen.  Once his brother stops crying, he will start with the whimpering until he is full out crying.  I rarely have to listen both of the boys hysterical crying.  Except for this week.  I think that's why I finally caved.  It has been really difficult to try to manage both at nap times when they are crying simultaneously.  I've been exhausted.  Yesterday morning I couldn't get out of bed because I was having dizzy spells, even while lying down!  Anyway, I chalk it up to the tired-ness.

Okay, so after about 20 mins of crying, I had to get out of the house.  All I wanted to do was go in and check on them.  To make sure they weren't choking themselves, or caught somewhere or something!  So irrational but according to the research I've done (haha), the boys can smell me and my milk and know that I will pick them up if they see me.  It's recommended that I leave the house and let the dad take care of the crying babes.  Apparently the crying doesn't affect them as much as it does the mom.  In our case, I think it's true.  My husband surely does not react in the same way I do when the boys are crying.  He's a little more relaxed than I.

I drove around for the next hour.  When my husband called and said, come home, they're sleeping, I seriously teared up.  All I kept thinking about was how sorry I felt for them!!!  But they won't remember this, I know.  When I got home, my mom gave me a play by play on times and crying action, and that was the end.  Tonight, we have to do it again.  This time, I will go out again, maybe I'll go out and get something to drink, a beer would be nice, huh!  Hopefully it will not be as intense and long as it was last night.

It's a start, though.  Once this is done, then it's time for me to figure out what I should do about this breastfeeding.  My instinct is to NOT stop.  I don't want to stop.  I like it.  But at the same time, I feel like I'm limiting my opportunities to go out and most definitely I know I'm limiting my husband's.  It's hard not to feel guilty about that.  I guess I'm just torn. 

The great thing is, is that we have lots of friends who've just had babies too.  And they are all so supportive and great to us.  Whenever we get a chance to get together with them, we take it and that's been so key for my husband.  Socializing time has been fantastic.  Food for the soul.  Especially for the fun-loving, sociable man that he is!

Today is 6 month shots for the boyz.  I hope it's a little different than it was last time.  Last time I almost cried watching LBM's face of shock.  And the boys were both a little under the weather because of them.  We'll see!