Friday, December 30, 2011


I just read over last year's post and thought I should update the vitals on the boyz!

LBM: 20 lbs
LM: a little over 19lbs (he's lost some weight since November due to illness... poor guy was bigger than his brother until mid-November and now he's losing...)

(about.. remember the incident at the doctor's? Well, I didn't have a chance to look at the numbers exactly...)

They have QUADRUPLED their weights since last year!!!!! In ONE year!  Woot!  I'm pretty proud, I must say.  Breast milk is numero uno!

Mama: still good, am aiming for low 130s before I go back to work.  Exercise is needed desperately.
Papa: looking good also.

New Years Eve Eve - Weaning....

It's very late.  I should be sleeping.

Just wanted to update on the breastfeeding front.  We (well, more I) decided to continue the morning and night nursing and stop the day-time feeds.  It'll make it easier for when I go back to work and also make it easier to get out more, without having to worry about nursing the boyz one at a time when we're out.

We are/were down to 4 feeds a day. And starting yesterday, I cut the boyz off from the two middle feeds.  They are miserable and confused and frustrated and cranky and parched and dehydrated.  They won't drink the milk and I already have such a hard time getting LM to drink out of the sippy cup, I'm getting worried about their liquids. 

I'm also so focused on making sure they are okay and comfortable and comforted that I am not really thinking about how sad I feel.

It's really hard to let it go.  I love the closeness I feel with them.  I love the connection the three of us have when we're together.  I love that I can comfort them from everything with my breast.  It's so beautiful. 

I'm so afraid that I won't have that close feeling anymore, I don't want to lose it.  Deep down, I know I'm being unrealistic, but I can't help it.  I feel like it's my last ultimate bond with them and that I'm cutting it off. 

Wow, this letting go thing is so hard.

Thank goodness I can put on a happy face.  I have this thing to broadcast all of my confessions to which makes it easy to never have to voice them directly to anyone.  It's out there.  That's it.

The Next 12 Hours - A Christmas Update


We came home, prepared ourselves for a solitary Christmas Eve and bought all kinds of fun supplies.  We were going to make it a fun day, dammit!

The 21st.  Wednesday night.  8:30pm.  It has been 10 hours since the news about no Christmas for us.  Phone call from sister. 


What the what??!?!?!?!?

Is that a confirmation or is that another batch of twelve-different-professionally-trained-for-10+ years-doctors' advice?

Apparently not. 


Christmas is back on, sista!!!!

Yesterday, the FIRST 12 hours

Off to the doctor for the 12 month vaccinations.  THREE shots!  Two in the right arm, one in the left. 

After meeting my niece and sister and brother in law for dinner on Saturday, we found out that said niece had some localized spots on her back and belly.  Then, on Monday, she was sent home from daycare on suspicion of chicken pox.  A 3 day break from daycare, as they gently put it.  The spots, which appeared on Sunday, meant that the most contagious period (Saturday and Friday) also was the day we had a famjam at the restaurant on Saturday night.  When she kissed and hugged and played with our boyz.  Nice.

So this is Tuesday's news.  Thankfully, Wednesday we had our appointment with the doctor.  At this point, we know in our heart of hearts that there might not be a Christmas for us with our niece.  And my sister's poor little family would be quarantined for the best holiday of the year... oh no.

They went to the doctor at least twice between Monday and Wednesday.  All medically trained professionals (all schooled for 10+ years) said: "It's chicken pox." or "I'm not sure what it is." or "Just to be safe, she should be quarantined for 7 days."  WTF?

There was no consensus.

So, we went to the doctor and with the information we had, asked if WE would be allowed to participate in husband's family Christmas.  Where there were two babes.  Like one that is 7 months and another that is 11 months.  Plus a pregnant sister-in-law.  Yeah.  Right.  As if.  The doctor said no way. 

Boyz got their shots.

Mama and papa were in shock/denial...

No Christmas for the boyz. 

Or for mama and papa. 

The one holiday we were so looking forward to. 

You see, last Christmas day, we brought the boyz home from the hospital.  I was suffering (as I look back) from some heavy post partum.  Like, the kind where you-hate-everyone-and-don't-want-to-see-or-talk-to-anybody-and-you-just-want-to-be-under-the-covers-hiding-only-you-have-to-pump-every-three-hours-and-go-to-the-hospital-to-"visit" (so crazy)-your-children-messed-up-ness.  Needless to say, we didn't celebrate Christmas Eve with anyone (I so didn't even want to) and on Christmas day, I was so happy, I wanted to treasure every single moment with my husband and children at home... Finally.

Anyway, this was going to be the first Christmas we could share the boyz with our families.  And we were so pumped for that!  I was so excited.  Our nephew is only a month younger than the boyz and we wanted to see that interaction.  Plus, I missed them and wanted to see the fam!

And now it wasn't going to happen.

Husband and I were silent in the car on the way home. 

What's there to say?

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


LBM is continuously taking up to 10 little steppers from me to husband and back again. LM is taking 2 solid steps.  This is so exciting and fun to watch their faces.  It's pure excitement and joy and happiness on their faces.  I love it!


Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Saga Continues...

So, after the mishap last Friday with LM and the examining table incident, LBM got sick on Monday.  Then LM got sick, of course.  LM's forehead lump was still swollen and bruised and LBM had no problems smashing trucks and other toy objects onto LM's bump while LM continued to bump his own head off of tables, toys, etc.  Thus, the swelling never really went down but it wasn't enough to create an alarm for me (or husband or hal-muh-nee).

On Friday morning, LM woke up with two swollen eyes (kinda like Rocky would look after 10 rounds in the ring) with red splotches all over his face and a rash over his body.  As the day wore on, they became more like hives.  I called Telehealth first thing in the morning, even though my mother and husband said that he would be fine.  I needed my own peace of mind.

The nurse suggested that I take him to the doctor.  Ha.  I knew it!  So we made an appointment for the afternoon.  Anyhow, as the day wore on, the splotches seemed to dissipate as did the swelling in the eyes.  I took him to the doctor anyway.  At the office, we determined that it might not be anything - in fact, it might just be part of the virus that was causing the hives but still we weren't sure.  I did feed him peanut butter and cheese for the first time the day before.  Now call me irresponsible, but I really wasn't concerned about him having allergies - there is no family history of allergies and they are over a year old (chronologically) now.  The cheese, I think  though, might be the culprit, IF there is any sort of sensitivity.  A month ago, I gave him yoghurt and he erupted in little spots around his mouth, so that could possibly indicate a dairy sensitivity.

The doc recommended a referral and appointment to see the allergist.  Oh great.  Now, I get to take my son to the allergist who will proceed to poke him with 100 needles.  I am VERY upset about this.  But really, I feel like I have to put on a strong face because I refuse to believe he has allergies to foods.  I don't want that to happen.  Prayer is needed.  Please.

Along with all of this, I had noticed that at the top of LM's head was a large lump.  It had been markedly larger than anything I remember seeing on his head.  But I didn't say anything to anyone because I didn't think it was anything serious.  So, we woke up Saturday to a fun day with Nonno and shopping.  When we came home, I kept touching his head to see if it hurt and he didn't seem sensitive to it.  But then halmuhnee came home.  And she pressed on the bump.  It was extremely soft - like really really soft.  I was shocked.  Why hadn't I thought of pressing on it?  I didn't want to hurt him and I think a part of me didn't really want to know...

So we ended up at the walk in clinic.

It's definitely a contusion but the doctor didn't seem concerned and said that if I really wanted to, I could take him for an x-ray but that he didn't think it was serious.  LM is fully alert, very happy and has no symptoms of concussion.  There really is nothing for me to worry about, I know.  The last thing I want is to expose my son to radiation for no real reason.  What is the point of that when there is really no indication of anything being wrong?

Regardless, this is what the week's been like.  Oh, and LM has basically slept in our bed since November 28th.  And he's getting 4 teeth.

Cute story:  While LM and I were gone to the doctor on Friday, husband stayed home alone with LBM.  Apparently LBM was completely lost without his brother!  He was very clingy and refused to play.  He hardly made any sounds or noises and just held on to dad for dear life. When we arrived home, all of a sudden, he was making lots of noises and when we went into the playroom, he began to play and talk and bully his brother!  They weren't actually playing together perse, but they were playing alongside one another.  I guess subconsciously LBM knew that something was missing and strange and he didn't like it!  Cool, huh?  I love twins!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

We Have Two Little Steppers!

LM did his little steppers too today!  Although he only started crawling a month ago, I think he is going to be walking alongside is brother at nearly the same time!  He spent 3+ months just watching LBM crawl and could have cared less the whole time, and now he thinks this standing and stepping thing is hysterical!

I love watching this progress.  It's so fun.  Very exciting!!!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

1 step, 2 step...

Last night, LBM took 3 teeny weeny leaning steps from me to my mom.  He was smiling the whole time!  Whatta guy!  I'm happy that he's getting used to the feeling of lifting his feet up off of the ground and knowing that he can keep going with his other foot once he takes a step.  It's so cute.  But he only does it when he feels like it!

LM, on the other hand, loves to lean right into me and thinks it's all a big game!  He's racing around the room, holding on to anything to get him around and his crawling is getting SO fast!

They both have colds right now, which is a bit discouraging, only because they just got over being massively sick a month ago.  Man, it doesn't end, huh?

Cleanign snot is going to rule my life again for the next couple of days!

Friday, December 9, 2011

12 month shots - TRAUMA.

So, having two birthday parties within one week (Sunday and Saturday) was fun, busy, exciting, and exhausting.  A little bit stressful but it was fantastic too.  I think we did a great job of making the festivities light and fun and it was great for my friends and family to see part of the tradition that is "dol". 

For the main doljabi event, at the first party, LBM went straight for the golf ball (athlete!) and LM went for the money! It was very fun and the boyz were great!  When we sang happy birthday and gave them the cake, LM dove straight in for the cake and destroyed it!  It was hysterical!  LBM wouldn't even TOUCH his cake - he was disgusted by it... that is, until LM's antics resulted in a piece of chocolate cake being tossed onto LBM's hanbok.  He proceeded to pick up the piece and put it in his mouth... and then inch his way over to LM... "I want cake!!!"  Too funny.

At the second, LBM went for the golf ball AGAIN!  So excited about that!  LM went straight for the pencil!  He'll be a wealthy scholar, I just know it!  Again, really cute and very entertaining.  I will try to post pics of them in their garb.

So, they celebrated their official birthday 3 days ago.  I honestly felt like it should have been my birthday.  I felt like man, I was the one who pushed these two out of me, whose body pushed two beings out, who was so connected to them for 34w6d.... ah well, it's their birthday I guess.  But a celebratory day for me.  It was my first day as a mother.

Today however, was not my proudest day as a mom...

I don't even want to write about it because I don't want to re-enact the scene in my mind/head/body again.  It was awful. 

Basically, LM fell off the examining table and hit his head (forehead) and nose on the ground.  He has a big lump on the right side of his forehead but the bruising kind of spreads across and he had a bleeding nose.  Under his nose there seems to be a bruise forming. 

He is fine right now, but he will be sleeping with us tonight and tomorrow and I will be waking him up twice in the middle of the night to make sure he's okay.  Any sign of distress and we go straight to emerg.

He was immediately picked up and transitioned very quickly from crying to smiling and laughing with me and the doctor.  It was hard for me to smile but a relief to see him react that way. 

But still.  I have never felt so awful.  My mom and I couldn't even talk about it and I kept having flashbacks to the scene in my head, which would immediately make me want to cry and puke at the same time.  Writing this is making me feel all sweaty and terrible again.  Maybe someday I'll be able to talk about it a little more but right now, no way.

I didn't cry.  I wanted to but I was frozen and I couldn't move.  I was sweating like crazy and then later, when I knew he was okay, I was shaking all over. I can't write anymore, my eyes are getting teary.

What an awful way to end a post...
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Best. Gifts. Ever by S. You is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.