Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Last Post for May

Yesterday was a very productive day for us.  The night before was a tumultuous one, with frequent wakeups on account of LBM crying in discomfort... so this mama was tired!

After a good morning nap by the boyz, my mom and I decided to go grocery shopping for a few things to perhaps start solids.  We bought butternut and buttercup squash to prepare for the babes.  I'm following a book called "Sprout Right" which I kinda like so far but the author is a nutritionist and not a dietician (and I'm more apt to trust dieticians -- they're accredited, I believe whereas anyone can call themselves a nutritionist?) and she goes on and on about taking supplements and vitamins, which has totally freaked me out because of course, I didn't do any of the things she's suggesting I should have done throughout pregnancy and the first 3 months of the babe's lives... Anyway, I like that she's Canadian, and that she touts homemade baby food, etc, etc, etc.  I just like her and I like the book.  It's a good guide for me.  Cuz I need it!

I also bought two Fisher Price booster seats.  No high chairs for this household.  Not enough room and the ones I bought are portable which we can take anywhere.  I also got them on sale for 25% off the retail price, which was still expensive, but worth it when we know we're going to be using them everyday once they start eating!  I saved 20 bucks.  The place I went to was a retail name store who of course does not give any discounts to multiples families because they are a**holes!  Wow, that was a little severe...

I also got this teething soothing relief "medication" called Camilia to use for the boyz.  I know that LBM is teething and LM is definitely doing something, just not complaining in the same way that LBM is so I decided to try it on both of them.  I have a feeling that it completely knocks LM out whereas LBM calms down a bit, but doesn't really respond in the same way.  LBM continued to fuss and cry throughout the day and evening, until about 9pm, when he finally passed out.

I made dinner last night!  My own concoction - chicken breasts stuffed with spinach (from the freezer, defrosted) and parmesan, with a chipotle rub.  I baked it for about 25 minutes at 375.  We had rice with it, and kimchi, myulchi and kkim.  The chicken was so moist!  I was very proud of myself (haha). 

Then, I steamed the buttercup squash and pureed it in the food processor until smooth.  I added filtered water to it until it was a very smooth consistency, almost runny but not quite.  We then put everything into food cubes for the boyz and froze them.  After reading the book, I realised that you're not really supposed to introduce solids when babies are sick or having teething episodes so I'm a little confused as to what I should do.  Last night I had decided I was not going to give them any today but this morning, I thought, let's just try...

My mind is constantly changing!!!

With the leftover buttercup squash, I made a soup with reduced sodium chicken broth. I had some for my mid morning snack (or as I like to call it, my 2nd breakfast!) and it was scrumptious!!!

I watched "Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition" last night until 11pm.  Although it was an interesting concept and I am sure I will be watching or at least PVRing the episodes, that was too late to be up.  Thus, I also woke up with a sore throat.  I think it's the lack of sleep...

Today I am going to the breastfeeding clinic with the boyz and my mom.  My boobs have been acting up again and I really am sick of using these breast shells to protect my nipples.  I'm too reliant on them and I don't like wearing them.

The weather today is supposed to be a scorcher.  There is a humidex advisory in effect, with temperatures feeling like 40C!  The weather here is so weird.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Landmark... and breaking hearts...

Last night, after an epic day with LBM not napping hardly at all (probably 2-30minute naps), and a bout of crying from both boyz, we put LM in his crib at about 7:15pm and LBM stayed in our bed.  They had both eaten at 5:30pm. 

I kept waiting for them to wake up and tried to enjoy "The Big Lebowski" with husband, but it was difficult as I was on edge the entire time!  I fell asleep at 9:30pm and woke up at around 1am to LM's cries from the nursery!  I woke LBM up and then I nursed them again.  This time we put LBM in his crib as well. 

They woke once again at 5am to eat and went into the crib again.  LBM cried for awhile but then he fell asleep.  We ALL woke up at 8am for another feed and then got ready for church. 

In some ways I can't believe I put them in their room last night.  It wasn't anything planned but I think after the past few weeks, I've just been too tired.  I just want to be stretched out in bed and not be on edge all of the time!

At the same time, my heart breaks -- I loved sleeping with them, listening to LBM blowing raspberries before falling asleep and LM talking and babbling before he fell asleep.  It was my radio before bed, easy-listening....


All of this crying from LBM is from teething!!! That's my final conclusion!  And finally realising that made me feel so horrible about not coming to his rescue soon enough!  No teeth have erupted yet, but I do know it may take months and that it is painful even when just starting to come out.  Poor little guy...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Give up?

I don't know what is going on...

I'm so confused!

Do I give them solids? Do I sleep train them?

What first?

My instinct is to work on the sleep first and then go on to solids.  I don't even want to write about this because I'm so sick of talking and thinking about it.

Basically, I am being told/pulled to start solids by everyone and I mean everyone. And I am having trouble getting the boys to sleep.  LM isn't so bad, but it's LBM right now.  It's really tiring to see.  He looks exhausted and I am exhausted too.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Saving Grace...

This week has been so much easier for me because
#1 - it was a holiday on Monday so my husband was around to help!
#2 - my cousin has been on holiday from work so she's come everyday to help me out.  She's stayed all day, from early afternoon (when it starts getting a little more difficult), to late evening (think, 8 or 9pm!).
#3 - I had a visit from a friend and her sister, which is always so nice, mentally.
I cannot be more grateful for the help I've been getting especially since these boyz were born.  I've truly been spoiled. 

On a side note, I've made an appointment for the breastfeeding clinic for Tuesday.  Something doesn't feel quite right anymore and I'm concerned...


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The thing is...

I cannot figure out how to put my sons to bed as the day goes on.  It just gets harder and harder, culminating in a really terrible evening.  My husband comes home to a tired and irritable me, trying to console and put down two cranky babies. 

Seeing that I am on edge, he tries to comfort and help me by insisting that we just, "let them cry it out."  I aquiesce, wanting to trust him and his judgement -- they are, after all, his children too... but my heart is quietly screaming, "no no no no!" 

The crying escalates into something inhuman.  I cannot hold back anymore.  Tears are welling in my eyes.  I snap at him, "this is not working for me.  I have to pick him up!" 

Crying begins to wane.  But the damage is done.  To my emotional psyche.  Babe continues to whimper and is ultra sensitive to anyone but me, including daddy.  I hold and kiss my baby until he drifts drifts drifts to slumber.  Why can't he fall asleep without crying or being cuddled?

And this is only ONE babe.

I cannot even discuss the other right now.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

About Last Night...

So, LBM slept for 3.5 hours during the day yesterday, which meant that the boyz didn't eat until more than 4 hours after their last feeding.  This threw off the schedule, and it ended up that they fell asleep for the NIGHT at around 5:30pm, after the 5pm feed.  It was nice for my husband and I because we were able to spend some quality time together.  We watched the movie "The Kids are Alright" (which was fantastic) and had dinner together.

Anyway, at about 1:15am, I woke up to the boyz stirring, and from utter pain in my breasts -- they were rock hard and leaking milk.  I woke the boyz up and sat down to nurse...

LM, after about 5 minutes of basically my milk pouring into his mouth, he proceeded to spit up.  I moved him a little out of the way of my breast so that I could catch the spit up and clean it up with a cloth when he then, projectile vomited so forcefully that it landed in LBM's eyes and face.  I was able to quickly move him out of the way so the rest of it ended up in my lap, soaking the seat and my underwear and pants.  It felt like I had peed my pants and I was absolutely covered.  It was all over my breasts, chest, stomach, all over LM's own arm and neck, all over LBM's face and arms.  Luckily LBM was so hungry, it didn't phase him and he kept eating.  I was screaming and my husband basically ran up the stairs (he had gone to get a glass of water for me!), alarmed and scared.

I don't understand why this happened.  It is the first time it has happened and was hard to watch.  LM was completely uninterested in eating anymore and went back to sleep quite quickly.  LBM, on the other hand, woke us all up two more times to eat, and each time had quite a difficult time going back to sleep.  Coupled with the long nap(s) and frequency of eating, (always waking first, and consistently every 2.5-3 hrs, no more) I am suspecting that he might be going through a growth spurt.  At least that's what I'm hoping!

This morning, LBM is absolutely HATING lying on his back... the OT told me that it is not a good idea to have him sitting all of the time to appease him because he does have to learn to roll and the only way he can do that is by being on his back.  I am trying to limit the amount of time he's sitting up, but it's becoming more and more difficult.  I think he goes through stages of discomfort and intolerance though.  Sometimes he's a lot more willing to be on his back lately, although it is becoming more and more of a challenge!!!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Blowing Raspberries and Giggling!

So, I haven't really written about the really cool things that have been happening with the boyz.  Instead, it's been more of my ranting but I really wanted to share a few things.

1.  LBM has been blowing raspberries for a little over a week now.  It started with the clicking of the tongue a few weeks back, which was constant and then completely stopped.  It morphed into a whole bunch of salivating and goober all over his chin and neck and then changed again to this blubbering with his lips and tongue.  It is hilarious.  I'll often hear him playing in his crib or wherever I've put him, blowing raspberries and giggling at himself doing it.  I love it. Oh, and he also does this thing with his tongue where he can totally turn it upside down!  He just plays with it constantly!

2.  LM just started giggles earlier this week.  His dad put his face really close to LM's neck and he just started to giggle away!  He also just recently discovered his tongue and is starting to stick it out and play with it more often.  Also, from the beginning, it almost seems, if we put his blanket or something soft right by his face, he will pull it right over himself and start either sucking it or rubbing his face on it and somehow soothe himself to sleep.  Sometimes I'll go into their room and find him with the blanket right over his entire body.  At first, it was very concerning but now, I just pull it down if I see it because I know that he's most likely sleeping.  On the other hand, LBM will put his entire fist in his mouth and still does not know how to self soothe (or that his hand could help to soothe him).  I am (little secret) concerned about that.  I want him to be able to soothe himself because I think it's an important life skill.  I'm training him, and it's slow but he's so cute, I will continue to help him get there!

3.  I bought a little soother/teether holder and am also going to train the boyz to start using the soother a little more often.  They seemed to take to it a little easier yesterday. 

4.  Friends came over yesterday with their 4 month old son.  He is adorable.  Anyway, they had this contraption called the hipseat.  I tried it out.  What a lifesaver!  It is different from the Bjorn in that all of the weight is on your hips/back/legs as opposed to on your shoulders and back.  It would be great for me because I would be able to carry one baby with one arm over my shoulder and the other on the hipseat on the other side with the other arm, especially when they are flipping out.  It's also great because you can use it up to the age of 3 and the carrier is so tiny and easily portable.  I'm picking one up today for $50.  I think it'll be great for my husband too, because he's been finding it difficult to carry the boyz, with his long arms, it makes for a very uncomfortable daddy and baby.

5.  I've been nap training all week.  It definitely is not easier but it is for sure revealed some patterns:
  • the longest nap of the day is the very first morning nap, usually between 7 and 9:30am
  • as the day passes, the naps get shorter and the boyz get crankier and needier (as in, they need to be held)
  • LBM usually does NOT sleep in the late afternoon, before the final feed of the day and LM will sleep for a very short while, probably 15 minutes?
6.  The last 3-4 days, during the final feeding time, I have nursed the boyz and they have fallen asleep at the breast.  I then put them straight to bed.  I am now starting to wonder whether that's a good thing or not.  But because LBM hasn't slept at all from about 2:30pm or 3pm, by the time 6:30pm rolls around, I'm not even sure he wants to eat, I just feed him and he is asleep by the end of the session.  LM, although he has had some sleep, he too, will often fall asleep at the breast or at least be extremely sleepy and willingly go straight down.  I don't even change their diapers until the next morning, because I don't want to disturb them and they rarely soil their diapers after every feeding anymore (they poop maybe 2 times a day now?).  I wonder if nursing them to sleep is a good idea...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


As the day goes on, it gets harder and harder for the boyz to be put down.  There's more crying and fussiness and a real lack of wanting to be in the crib.  The morning naps are longest.  Yesterday it was about 2 1/2 hours.  As naps progressed, the naps became progressively shorter, until the last nap was 30 minutes.  I don't have any idea if that is normal or not but it seems to be the pattern that the boyz are in.  I really really study their faces and bodies for signs when they're tired.  Again, it's easier to put them down after I acknowledge those signs in the morning than later on in the day.

After nursing them at about 6:15 (or so?) last night, I brought them downstairs to their rockers, turned down the lights and just stared at them.  It was calm and LBM was extremely chilled out.  LM was a little hyper but he was trying to contain himself (heh heh).  I gave them their blankets and they used them to suck/lick.  After about 20-30 minutes, LM began to rub his eyes and yawn.  My mother took him upstairs to rock him to sleep.  That took a good 20 minutes (perhaps more?).  He was still stirring when I came up with LBM.  LBM was not ready for bed and showed very few signs of being tired.  So, as soon as he rubbed his eye just a bit, I picked him up and started to rock him.  He finally fell asleep after about 15-20 minutes of rocking in all kinds of positions.  I put him down and went downstairs.  This was about 7:50pm.

At about 8:15, LBM began to scream.  It might have been because he had kicked his blankets off and was cold but it's hard to say.  My husband held him until he calmed down and fell back asleep.  At 10:30pm, he woke up again and I could tell that his nose was all stuffed up.  I gave him some saline drops, which made him freak out more.  I wanted to quickly remove him from the room in case he woke LM up and so my husband swept him out.  The screaming and crying continued to escalate when finally my husband was able to clear LBM's nose, which seemed to calm him down.  I took over until LBM fell asleep in my arms.  I waited an extra few minutes to be sure and then put him down beside LM.  They slept until about 3:15am.  LBM woke up again to eat, LM just wanted to sleep!  Maybe LBM is going through a growth spurt? Who knows?  Anyway, my bra and breast shells were full of milk, I was soaked.  And in pain.  I basically just wanted to get up so I could feed them, I didn't care if they were just having a bad dream or not.  Last night, i decided that I should probably not wake up to pump because I'm just teaching my body to continue to produce milk when in fact, the boyz don't want or need that extra feeding anymore.  It's a consistent 6 times a day now, and me pumping is fooling my brain to produce milk for 7 times a day.  It is painful and makes a mess (I still have to figure out how to sleep without using up a bra a night), but in truth, I think I need the sleep.  I'm looking a little messed up lately.

Have I written about our family co-sleeping with the boyz?  We started at about 3 months and it's at the 5 1/2 month mark.  I am getting closer and closer to being ready to put the boyz in the crib overnight.  It only makes sense if they only wake up once a night, right?  My baby daddy loves sleeping with them, but I think he feels torn.  He wants to reclaim the bed but he rarely has much time with them during the weekdays -- perhaps an hour at most -- and at least sleeping with them, they're closeby and it's just, well, nice.  It's really nice to have them right there, to look at them and watch them sleep so peacefully and to see their angelic faces.  It's like, soooooooooo beautiful.

Monday, May 16, 2011

And a Church update

We tried a church last week and although it was alright, it wasn't exactly a fantastic experience.  It was a little stuffy (old school traditional, maybe?) and husband was not very happy about it.  I wasn't either.  So we tried a different church yesterday and it went a lot better.  There seemed to be more young people and the minister was more appealing to us.  First of all, she was funny and seemed to be more accessible.  Secondly, it was a bigger congregation, which was nice. 

I think we'll be going back for sure.  We're getting closer to finding a faith community!  I know it seems silly, but it's seriously important to me.

What is happening?!?!?!?!

Lately, LBM and LM have been absolutely unbelievable, in terms of sleep.  Or lack thereof.

First issue:
WTH is going on with them?  Last Friday, after nursing them in the morning and then putting them in their cribs as per usual, LBM flipped out and I basically had to hold him until the next feeding, which was 3 hours later!  He cried everytime I put him down and didn't want to play at all.  He just wanted to be held.  Which is fine, but is also tres exhausting. 

I tried to 'nap train' LM yesterday by letting him cry it out.  I think I might have damaged him.  Crying it out is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.  It may work for some people but I can NOT do it.  And I refuse to.  it is absolutely ridiculous.  How do you listen to your child crying hysterically and ignore it?  I let him cry for 20 minutes and as it continued to escalate (and NOT slow down, as all of those theorists claim, yeah right... ugh), I finally went in the room and tried to soothe him by not picking him up (as all of those theorists say, yeah right... ugh) but that made things worse.  So I picked him up and begged for forgiveness.  I won't do it again.  It's dumb.

Naps have been lasting maybe 30-45 minutes and I have to hold them and rock them until they will sleep. It is very tiring and I don't think I can continue that at all.  I decided today that I would start the day for them after the first morning feed, at 630am and I took them down to the living room and put them in their rockers.  No word of a lie, LM started rubbing his eyes at 7am and LBM started at 7:05am.  I put LM in his crib immediately and went back down to play/read (the newspaper ha!) with LBM.  When LBM started rubbing his eyes, I brought him up too.  I fully expected him to scream like last week but he didn't!  He took his blanket and chilled out.  LM was still awake, blanket right over his head, but no matter, he was playing by himself and getting sleepy.  It is now 8:05am and completely quiet.  I know they're sleeping, I just hope it lasts for the next couple of hours.  They must be exhausted.  Because of last night....

Sleep at night
WTH is happening with this?!?!?  It is driving me crazy.  LBM, ever since he discovered his voice (which, btw, is a shriek and a very loud one, at that!) seems to be crying a little more.  Or at least it feels like more because it's so damn loud.  LBM MUST be held until he falls asleep.  If I put him down awake but sleepy, he wakes up and I have to start the process all over again.  And it takes FOREVER.  Anyway, my husband can't even help me because the boyz don't seem to be able to get comfortable in his arms.  Which is a horrible feeling for him and a horrible situation for me.  Saturday night, LBM actually turned and moved his body towards me from my husband's and I had to hold both of them until they fell asleep. Yes, I was dying, I had to get hubby to save me. 

Last night, LBM cried for so long, I don't even remember exactly what happened.  Oh, we tried a new technique -- low lights, reading books, calm environment.  Then you're supposed to put them down and they should be calm.  Yeah right.  Try hysterical screaming.  And I'm telling you, this is TOTALLY new.  This never happened before! They would just go to sleep!  This weekend though, they went batshit crazy.

I am hoping that they were overtired, which is why they were so uncomfortable.  I have noticed that if they have better naps during the day, they are more apt to go to bed at night a lot easier.  And they seem to sleep longer too.

So last night, instead of sleeping until 3:30 or 4am, they woke up at 12:30am (which means I didn't have to pump!), 4:30am and then finally up at 6:30am.  Why is this happening?

I need helppppppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Sunday, May 8, 2011

First Mother's Day!

We went to church together today as a family and that made me really happy.  We were the centre of attention of course, being the 'new' people and then those new people with twins.  It was great!  Then we went to the Living Arts Centre for a brunch/lunch buffet with my sister and her family, my mom and my brother in law's family. It was good being together, talking, laughing and being amazed that our lives have changed so much in the past few years.

As an update, my sister loaned me all of my niece's toys for the boys and my cousin is coming by on Tuesday to bring over her exersaucer and jumperoo.  Yesssssssss!!!

Also, I started fiddling with my sewing machine.  I think I know how to sew.  I'm not an idiot and I remember the rudimentary lessons/steps my mom and home economics teacher in middle school taught me.  I am going to experiment with one of my skirts tomorrow -- turning it into a pencil skirt.  Let's see what happens!!!!

Friday, May 6, 2011

What to do, what to do continued...

Another thing I want to note is the fact that the boyz seem to be sleeping through the night.  I thought it was just a one time thing, purely luck but it's been consistent since the middle of April.  Which would mean that they have been sleeping through the night since 4 months of age!! AMAZING!  We're very lucky, I know.  My boobs, however are suffering!  I have been pumping if I wake up needing relief but I'd rather be doing that then waking up several times throughout the night.  They wake up at 4:30am and that's it! Then it's a series of 2-4 hr intervals throughout the day.  I'll take that! 

I love them so much. 

Oh, and this Sunday is Mother's Day.  It will be my first Mother's Day! I'm excited about that.  We're going to the Living Arts Centre for an overpriced brunch/lunch buffet.  But I'm happy to be going out with my family.

OH!  And I'm an aunt again!!!  My husband's sister had a baby girl on Tuesday! She's gorgeous!

What to do, what to do?

sooooo... the boyz are now 5 months old!

And they're sick of their toys. Or lack thereof.  The activity mats are no longer holding their value as LBM is utterly sick of laying on his back, batting and grabbing the same old toys, listening to the same old music, kicking the same old kick mat... he literally screamed until I picked him up and put him in his rocker.  Thank goodness for that thing!  LM is still all right on the mat, but definitely is transitioning.  Basically, the bottom line is, they are both getting bored quite quickly of their toys.

I had been scouring Craigslist for used toys: exersaucers, jolly jumpers and such when I got a random message from a cousin, offering the use of those exact items!  Are we the luckiest people ever?  I can only hope to be as generous some day to others.  Now it's a matter of hooking up with said cousin to retrieve those items and then also to grab some stuff from my sister, who has stuff to lend me as well.  I'm extremely excited and must must must arrange for an exchange asap!

Anyway, while doing all of this, I realised that in a few weeks, I will have to start (maybe?) the boyz on solids.  That requires high chairs or booster seats, food storage cubes as I intend on making food for them, and all those supplies that come with eating.  I ordered a book, "Sprout Right" because it's written by a Canadian and is all about making food for babies as they start solids.  It was WAY cheaper to order it online than to get it from the bookstore, even though I love love love going to the bookstore and leaving with a bagful of books!  I also got a small garden gardening book.  I'm excited, so excited to start planting things!

Okay, so the point of that last paragraph was that while on craigslist, I found a woman who was selling her baby food cubes both unused and used for a ridiculously low price, as well as baby proofing stuff.  I picked them up today.  I spent $15 for 50 food cubes, a large assortment of babyproofing stuff, and a container for small baby items for the dishwasher.  10 food cubes sell for $6.95, the babyproofing stuff is tres expensive -- I'd say I saved at least $20 bucks MINIMUM on that stuff and the container sells for a ridiculous $15 retail.  Ultimately, I think I saved at least $50 on all of my stuff, less the cost for gas, but I don't even care about that because it was a trip out with the babies... something to do, right?

I'm gonna have to continue this post later... LM is crying...  time to eat!
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Best. Gifts. Ever by S. You is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.