Wednesday, June 29, 2011


My beloved friend E drove from Chatham yesterday, where she has been visiting her family for the past week.  She lives in New Brunswick and it pains me that I cannot see her and talk to her everyday.  She understands my heart and my mind and accepts me for everything I am.  Good and bad.  And I love her very much for it!  Fortunately we are very similar, which probably makes it extremely easy to understand one another.  It's amazing.  The same feelings we have about our children, about our attitudes toward parenting and family.  She has helped me think through my own issues and come to terms with how to handle things.  She is much like my sister in that way.  My sister provides me with that same type of support. 

I must be truly blessed to have these kinds of people surrounding me in my life!  And I haven't even mentioned my other girlfriend, N whose constant acts of kindness remind me that I have yet another sister in this world.

The boyz are beautiful.  Despite any frustration and weariness, they continue to steal my heart away.  LBM is now back on a nap schedule although he needs much help going down.  I don't mind though as long as LM continues to fall asleep for most of his naps by himself.  Today has been a great day for the sleeps. 

Monday, June 27, 2011

A New Attitude

It's time to get out of this funk!  It's not the boyz, it's a bunch of other 'life' things that are obviously bugging me a lot more than I realise. 

The boyz are great.  I'v got to start getting out a little more, especially since the weather is getting better.  I like sitting outside with them and just hanging out. 

I've decided that as a mother, I'm going to take their lead and not be bound to a 'schedule' perse, just go by what I know of them.  It doesn't have to go by an actual time.  I just have to know that in the morning, they like to have a nice long nap and they need another nap in the afternoon.  If the sleep again, I know it will likely be short and then their final feeding will likely be straight to bed or a little bit of coaxing and then bed.  I can handle that, this is okay.  This is what is called predictable in the world of motherhood.  It's not about the actual time of day.  It can't be.  How?  They don't know clocks!!!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Monday, June 20, 2011

Happy (First) Father's Day!

I'm a day late because yesterday was a tad busy... but a very happy father's day to my wonderful husband.  I love him very much.  I am extremely lucky to have a man like him in my life, no joke.  Very lucky.

To all of the fathers out there, I hope you had a very good day yesterday!

Fathers are an integral part of the family unit.  I grew up without a father and seeing my husband with our sons makes me realise everyday how fortunate they are to have such a doting man and great role model in their life.

S -- thank you and I love you!!!!!!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Last Swimming Lesson!

Awwww, the boys graduated with certificates today!  The last swimming lesson with their awesome instructor Paulina. 

We had a lot of fun today and of course it was the last day but everything just seemed to go very smoothly -- I wasn't as stressed getting them ready to go or getting them changed from the pool for home.  It was really nice.  The boys were calm and of course they love the water (just like mama!).  We sat out on the front lawn under the tree for awhile and enjoyed the beautiful day.

The boys are asleep now, as they have completely missed their mid-morning nap because of swimming but it was worth it.  The day is beautiful, everyone is calm and good and now I just have to go do the laundry!

I love my life.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Interesting Week

The week started a little funny, just because our schedule was off and the boys seemed to have forgotten about their regular nap times.  They had also forgotten that they had previously been able to go down for their morning naps with relative ease - I just had to place LM in the crib with his blanket and he would go to sleep himself, LBM needed a little more soothing but was still quite easy - and so I knew it would be an interesting time.

There has been lots of crying.  A lot of it.  Like, if I am out of their sightlines, there is screaming crying.  Strange.  Also, at nap time, lots of crying.  Unncessary crying.  And, play time, lots of crying.  Strange. Frustrating.  Enough for me to want to pull my hair out.

Anyway, a trip to the library on Monday had us out in the fresh air for about an hour.  That was lovely, especially since it wasn't too hot outside, a little overcast, and perfect!  The boys stayed awake all the way to the library and fell alseep when we almost got home.  I kept them in the stroller for awhile until they woke up.  The schedule was all messed up.

The rest of the week was very similar.  Short naps all day, not sticking to any type of schedule and tons of crying. 

Yesterday, I went to the library again only this time, the weather was unbearably hot (or at least the sun was!) and LBM had a little bit of a freak out inside the library.  So much so, I had to leave!  Then he proceeded to scream almost all the way home, until he finally dozed off.

I also tried to feed them the buttercup squash I made a few weeks ago.  Absolutely hilarious - LBM gagged and projectile vomitted.  LM had a more delayed reaction and spit up a whole load of stuff into his bib.  Thank goodness I put them on!  And thank goodness I have them on video!

Anyway, on a positive note, after about 2 hours of on and off crying, playing, singing, and bathing, the boys were fed at 7:15pm, went straight to bed at about 7:30pm, cried it out for a very very brief time, and fell asleep.  I woke up at 3:15am with rock hard boobs.  I woke them up, fed them for 10 mins to relieve my breasts and we all went back to sleep.  I heard stirring at 5:30am so I woke them up again and fed them, even though it had only been 2 hours.  My boobs were hard again anyway and this time I tried to give them a full feeding. 

They were put straight to bed, but they mostly played.  I think they fell asleep at about 7am but I was in the shower.  They woke up at 8am... I can hear LBM playing and talking and LM has also started screeching.  It's already 8:41am and they're so content in their bed.  I'm gonna basically stretch it out as long as I possibly can...

On tap for today:  A trip to Indigo.  Just to get a Starbucks coffee and browse.  Maybe pick up a book for the boys? Maybe.  I can't help it, I love the stuff there!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Difficult Weekend

On Friday, my sons had their 6 month vaccinations.  Before we left, LM had a little bit of a runny nose but I didn't think anything of it.

I should have.

Friday night, at 11pm, LM woke up crying for milk, or so I thought.

As I was nursing both LM and LBM, I realised LM was burning up.  He was feverish and not himself.  No smiles, very serious, cranky.  His whole body was hot.  We took his temperature and noticed that he had a fever.  We gave him Tempra and I put him in bed with me.  His fever broke but again, he wasn't himself.  I ended up nursing him a bunch of times whenever he cried or seemed thirsty. 

He had a crazy bout of crying yesterday, like uncontrollable and non-stop!  We were so concerned that we called Telehealth.  They just told us to let the fever run (not to give Tempra) and to just nurse him whenever he wanted to avoid dehydration.

He slept with us again and I nursed him a number of times overnight while LBM slept peacefully in his crib.

I basically feel very sleepy and groggy.  But that's just the way it is with a sick baby!

I don't have the will or energy to write anymore today...

Friday, June 10, 2011

Reading List Update

I've decided to keep a record of the books I've read since the babies arrived. It takes a while to get through a book (Audition took FOREVER) but, honestly, this is the most I've read in a really long time.

1. The Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda too predictable
2. Audition by Barbara Walters soooo interesting
3. Ysabel by Guy Gavriel Kay a lot better than I expected, and very engaging for me
4. The Lincoln Lawyer by Michael Connelly all right, easy read
5. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell still reading....
6. The Sleepeasy Solution by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack  borrowed from a friend.. Crying it out... their method
7. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins by Marc Weissbluth Jury's out on this one, it's all right... library borrowing is better
8. Sprout Right by Lianne Phillipson-Webb a very nice guide to making baby's first foods and you introduce veggies and fruit first.  like that.
9. Fall of Giants by Ken Follett haven't finished it yet, borrowed from library and will borrow it from a friend to finish it.  has hooked me so far!

Crying It Out

I caved.

I decided to become an active partner in the sleep training of my children and join my husband's team.  I read the books, I re-read the books, I knew all I needed to know.  And all I want is a self-soothing, well-rested child whom I didn't have to hold and rock for an endless amount of time.  It kind of happened spontaneously, I just said, let's do it, I'm getting out of here.  My mom and my husband stayed and listened to the torturous screams.

LM screamed the hardest and longest.  It was about 50 minutes (according to them).  LBM finally gave up after about 35 minutes.  I've noticed that when one cries, the other really just quiets down and seems to listen.  Once his brother stops crying, he will start with the whimpering until he is full out crying.  I rarely have to listen both of the boys hysterical crying.  Except for this week.  I think that's why I finally caved.  It has been really difficult to try to manage both at nap times when they are crying simultaneously.  I've been exhausted.  Yesterday morning I couldn't get out of bed because I was having dizzy spells, even while lying down!  Anyway, I chalk it up to the tired-ness.

Okay, so after about 20 mins of crying, I had to get out of the house.  All I wanted to do was go in and check on them.  To make sure they weren't choking themselves, or caught somewhere or something!  So irrational but according to the research I've done (haha), the boys can smell me and my milk and know that I will pick them up if they see me.  It's recommended that I leave the house and let the dad take care of the crying babes.  Apparently the crying doesn't affect them as much as it does the mom.  In our case, I think it's true.  My husband surely does not react in the same way I do when the boys are crying.  He's a little more relaxed than I.

I drove around for the next hour.  When my husband called and said, come home, they're sleeping, I seriously teared up.  All I kept thinking about was how sorry I felt for them!!!  But they won't remember this, I know.  When I got home, my mom gave me a play by play on times and crying action, and that was the end.  Tonight, we have to do it again.  This time, I will go out again, maybe I'll go out and get something to drink, a beer would be nice, huh!  Hopefully it will not be as intense and long as it was last night.

It's a start, though.  Once this is done, then it's time for me to figure out what I should do about this breastfeeding.  My instinct is to NOT stop.  I don't want to stop.  I like it.  But at the same time, I feel like I'm limiting my opportunities to go out and most definitely I know I'm limiting my husband's.  It's hard not to feel guilty about that.  I guess I'm just torn. 

The great thing is, is that we have lots of friends who've just had babies too.  And they are all so supportive and great to us.  Whenever we get a chance to get together with them, we take it and that's been so key for my husband.  Socializing time has been fantastic.  Food for the soul.  Especially for the fun-loving, sociable man that he is!

Today is 6 month shots for the boyz.  I hope it's a little different than it was last time.  Last time I almost cried watching LBM's face of shock.  And the boys were both a little under the weather because of them.  We'll see!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Thoughts for a Wednesday Morning

We are currently going through a heatwave here and it is quite humid outside and upstairs.  I feel sorry for the boyz.... later on today, we're going out for a playdate -- I hope they are okay!  It's just to a friend's home but still, just going out might be a little uncomfortable for them!

I called Peel Public Health yesterday to ask them a few frazzled mom questions and the nurse then turned around and asked me if I would be a Breastfeeding Companion because I have been exclusively breastfeeding for the past 6 months.  They would train me and it would purely be me calling other moms as a support person.  Cool, huh?

After all of this!  More gratification, I suppose.  But mostly I just love it because I love watching them and listening to them and knowing that I am providing them with sustenance to survive.  It's an awesome feeling.

They're getting cuter and bigger and more lovely... I gotta stop gushing!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Happy 6 Months!!!!

Today is the boyz 6 month birthday!

What a whirlwind it has been.  I absolutely have loved every single moment of this journey.  I am still getting the hang of things but it has been worth every sleepless night, every breast feeding mishap, and every giggle, smile and babble. 

I am the happiest woman in the world!!!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Good Babies

I really do have great babies.  I am very lucky.  I haven't really had to do anything to 'train' them perse, but it's true, they don't really need much from me -- I just have to learn their cues and I usually can put them to sleep quite easily.  It's just the getting there that I have to figure out!

I'm tired.  I feel very stuffy and my nose runs at random times. 

LBM woke up once in the middle of the night (2am) crying -- either a bad dream or sore gums.  It's getting better, and not so startling for him and he is sleeping much better.  I have no complaints.  Poor little guy.

In other news, Canada Post has gone on strike.  No mail, indefinitely... uh oh.  I must admit, I love getting mail.  But in this day and age, it does seem archaic!  I think as I get older, I start to appreciate old-school ways and start to wish I had appreciated it more before!

Short afternoon nap over -- gotta go.

Feeling Not So Good

My throat is sore and I have a migraine today... uh oh...  I feel nauseous and in a daze.

But!  I have to go shopping for a one year old's bday party tomorrow! i kinda have a plan.  Kids wake up, feed them, play for a bit (like, 5 minutes!) and then car seats, and trek over to the mall.  I'll pick up clothes for her and then I'll come home.  Who knows how long that will take, right?

Pounding headaches make for very short posts.

My kids are still cute though!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

First Post for June

1. Yesterday's trip to the BF clinic was a success, of sorts.  I have to continue to wear the breast shells as there has been significant damage to my nipples and they will always be sore as long as I am nursing.  Dr. Manson suggested that I not wear them 'once in a while' if I'm going out or something, just so I can get used to the feeling but that I probably won't be able to 'wean' myself necessarily.

2.  LBM was up at all hours last night, crying.  Okay, so I woke both boyz up at 8pm to nurse them because they had last eaten at 4:30pm and I did not want another night with both waking at 2 in the morning.  And after yesterday's disaster with the diapers and crib sheets and clothes, I wanted to make sure to give them a diaper change before leaving them for thenight.  I'd also rather have them wake a little later.  So waking them up was sort of disaster, because LM was fast asleep and in no mood to be woken up.  LBM had only been sleeping for a short while so even that was not a good scene.  Anyway, after they were fed, LM went to sleep immediately and LBM was held until about 9:15pm.  He cried a lot.  I gave him Camilia too... it doesn't seem to work all that well... for him, at least.  I think it knocks out LM for sure...

After a really nice chat with husband, I fell asleep at about 10pm.  I woke up, with a start, to LM's crying.  This was about 11pm.  He could NOT be consoled. I woke up the entire house because I couldn't do anything.  I ended up giving him 3 doses of Camilia.  He would not agree to me sitting down.  He wanted me to walk.  What does this mean?  Does he know that the only way he can fall asleep is by a walk or is the walk a soothing thing for him and he needs it because he's in pain?  I don't know!  I was so upset.  I walked.  He fell asleep in his crib.

At around 2am, he woke up again in hysterics.  This time he really was tired but was in pain.  I kept putting my finger in his mouth to check if he was hungry but honestly, there was no sucking, it was pure biting/gumming.  I bounced on the exercise ball.  He fell asleep, I put him in the crib and he immediately started crying.  I bounced on the exercise ball.  He fell asleep.  I put him in the crib and he immediately started crying.  I was so tired.  I put him in bed next to me.  He fell asleep.  How did he know?

He woke up at 3am crying.  I bounced on the exercise ball and he fell asleep.  I put him in my bed.  He got comfortable and fell asleep.  He cried out a few times but that's it. 

He woke up at 4am.  It was a combo of sucking on my finger and biting.  I went to wake up LM -- I figured it was time for a feeding anyway.  LM was WAY sleeping but I still got hime up.  My right breast had completely leaked and soaked my bra.  I fed them.  LM only ate for 10 minutes and husband put him to bed.  LBM ate for a solid 20 minutes.  Husband put him back in the crib. He was asleep.

He woke up screaming at 5am and I went to the nursery.  The drop-side crib was down.  LBM was right at the edge.  I was too tired to yell.  I told husband.  I put LBM in my bed and he went to sleep.

LM woke up at 6am and quietly played in the crib until 7am!  LBM was quietly stirring so I quickly got up and changed LM.  Meanwhile, LBM started screaming again!  It's like he knew I was gone.  I fed them, LBM only for 10 minutes, LM for about 12 minutes (he really wanted more, but I had to go to the bathroom!) and then they played.  I just put them down at 8am because they looked and acted tired and after a couple of cries, LM fell asleep and LBM did too.  Miracle of miracles.

3.  As LBM played on the activity mat, he turned his body slowly in 90 degree increments (while playing at each position) until he had completed a 360 turn!  Amazing.  He is surely going to be motoring!  His head control and back muscles are continually strengthening and it is great!  LM really engages with the toys.  He loves to talk to them and stare intently at them.  His focus and concentration seem to be extremely developed. 

4.  I gave the boys a little bit of the buttercup squash yesterday.  Just a small spoonful.  LM swallowed it after making a great squished up face.  He may just be ready to take some solid foods...  LBM was hilarious.  His tongue-thrust reflex is still very strong and he spit out the food right away and then gagged so hard, I thought he was going to throw up!  He's not ready for solids...

Now, to decide whether to feed one or wait till they're both ready...

5.  My throat hurts so much I don't want to talk.  ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

The boyz looking at daddy, looking like smooth criminals.  May, 2011
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Best. Gifts. Ever by S. You is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.