It's very late. I should be sleeping.
Just wanted to update on the breastfeeding front. We (well, more I) decided to continue the morning and night nursing and stop the day-time feeds. It'll make it easier for when I go back to work and also make it easier to get out more, without having to worry about nursing the boyz one at a time when we're out.
We are/were down to 4 feeds a day. And starting yesterday, I cut the boyz off from the two middle feeds. They are miserable and confused and frustrated and cranky and parched and dehydrated. They won't drink the milk and I already have such a hard time getting LM to drink out of the sippy cup, I'm getting worried about their liquids.
I'm also so focused on making sure they are okay and comfortable and comforted that I am not really thinking about how sad I feel.
It's really hard to let it go. I love the closeness I feel with them. I love the connection the three of us have when we're together. I love that I can comfort them from everything with my breast. It's so beautiful.
I'm so afraid that I won't have that close feeling anymore, I don't want to lose it. Deep down, I know I'm being unrealistic, but I can't help it. I feel like it's my last ultimate bond with them and that I'm cutting it off.
Wow, this letting go thing is so hard.
Thank goodness I can put on a happy face. I have this thing to broadcast all of my confessions to which makes it easy to never have to voice them directly to anyone. It's out there. That's it.
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