A Success!

This is the first post that I will acknowledge to myself that I have made it and that I should be a little bit proud of myself for making it.

A trip to the BF clinic yesterday proved to be a little bit of a boost to the ego as well.  I am basically 95% healed, which is a major miracle (in my opinion!).  The nurse and doctor both mentioned that they were very happy with me and that I stuck through the pain and continued to nurse my sons.  My husband asked if there were many women who would have stuck through it and they replied no.  The nurse said that he should be proud of me and that I was a determined woman, with a high (!) pain tolerance and that when women like me get it into their minds that bf'ing is the best for their child, they can succeed.  I don't think that really was the reason I stuck through it, but it was part of it.  I always had the attitude, please let me heal so I can experience breastfeeding the way everyone else does.  I just wanted to experience the "normal" part of it AND THEN make a decision.  So, I'm close to making a decision, but I honestly did not even think I would last this long.  I am proud, but I don't think I'm totally out of the woods yet.  When I feel that I am fully in the clear, I will make a more informed (less biased) decision.  When I was pregnant, my timeline was after 3 months I would decide, but obviously it's past that now so it's all up in the air.  You can never really make decisions like that without really knowing all of the possible outcomes first.  I obviously didn't!

Anyway, I made it through the absolute worst part and I feel like a success as a result of that.  Thank goodness.  I'm very blessed.

100 DAYS!

Today is the boyz 100 day celebration!
They have been alive for 100 days and as Koreans, we like to celebrate the milestone.  For more information, click here.

We're going to a restaurant for dinner tonight with the grandparents and great-aunts and great-uncles.  I'm excited!

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, which also happens to be my husband's birthday! Hello Mother Tucker's!!!

Daylight Savings Time

DST is great for those of us who love sunlit evenings at 6:30pm. 

Unfortunately, I didn't realise how much it would affect me as a mother of twins.  I am unbelievably, undeniably exhausted.  I have very low energy and my hope for today is to stay in bed with the boyz so I can catch some zzzzs wherever possible. 

It's just one hour!!!  Holy moly..

Have you ever....?

...had your child fart so hard he poops in your face?

Yeah.  That's what happened to me yesterday morning...

So, Little Man has this thing whereby he tenses his body so hard when we're changing his diaper, that he farts and then little poops splat out.  It happens quite regularly.  Usually, it splats right onto the diaper but sometimes, it'll torpedo out, splashing whatever happens to be in its path, i.e the change pad, change pad cover, sometimes the floor... etc.  Well, yesterday, he happened to have quite a large bowel movement, that also happened to run half way up his back.  So, as I was checking to see that I had cleaned it thoroughly, he tensed up, farted and then proceeded to shoot out poop so hard and far -- the farthest yet -- it landed on the glider, in the penaten, the q-tip box, the wipes container, the change table, and of course, the one thing that was closest to his butt -- my face. 

Yes. 

My face.

Thank goodness I had my glasses on.  It was all over my glasses, in my hair, near my mouth (not in it, thank goodness!), on my cheek. 

I yelped and said, "I'm NOT doing it!!!" and of course my husband says, "OH YES you are!!!!!"  I ran into the bathroom and washed up as best as I could, came back and finished the job.  And LM... he just lay there sweet as the angel he is...

I love him.

By the way..

No running bra yet.  What's going on Expressiva?  It's been 10 days.  A little long, since they sent out the package on the 27th of February...

Exercise plan...

HA!!!!

It's only just recently that I've actually thought, "hey, I think I could actually move my body in ways they haven't moved in a year!" My right boob is still not 100%, which affects any movement whatsoever, including my right arm, believe it or not.  All stretching is out of the question also because the stretching I want to do, invovles my back and shoulders and neck, which sometimes requires my arms... which are connected to my chest, which equals ugly pain...

Anyway, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can't wait! I'm itching to do something.  Anything!  Especially jog.

I think my initial plan will be to jog a minute, walk a minute just to see where I'm at.  Let us be reminded that I used to run for almost an hour.  And now I know I can't.  I'm wondering if I should join a Running Room Clinic to help me get back into the swing of things.  I probably will, but later on, not exactly right now...

The fact that I'm writing about this is success.  I'm excited.  I'm coming back!!!

On this same vein, I registered the boyz for swimming lessons starting in April.  Husband and I cannot wait!  I have a lot of questions and worries about that -- like, how do I get changed and get my son changed without him catching a cold?  I want to have a plan in place so I can let my husband know, because he probably hasn't even given it two thoughts and is probably W A Y more relaxed about it than I am.  But I think I'm right in trying to come up with a plan so that there are the fewest glitches/sicknessess possible.  I hate to see them shiver with cold and LM sometimes turns blue when he's too cold, after a bath.  THAT's how sensitive he is...

Wow... I really have to stop with the uptightness!!!

Trauma for Mama

So yesterday, my mom's bf treated us all to dinner at the Mandarin.  Husband and I timed everything PERFECTLY.  Or so we thought...

Earlier in the day, we went for a little drive out of town to pick up Husband's car at his parents and ended up having a nice visit with them.  The boyz were sleeping in their car seats and their grandparents were so happy to see them.  We left and got home just after 12 and I nursed them from about 1215-1230pm.  Then they woke up at about quarter to 3 and I fed them then for about 15 minutes.  The plan was to wake them up at about 415pm for a 5 minute top up and then quickly pack them up and go to the restaurant for 5pm.  Everything worked according to plan.

We met my sister and her husband and my niece, my mom and her bf and had a wonderful meal.  At about 6pm, LM was crying and bothered so we took him out of the car seat and he was passed around.  Which was fine because he was content.  But then LBM started waking up... Husband suggested we leave, but I just thought maybe we should have one more plate (haha -- him not me!).  I felt like he should enjoy a little bit more.  Anyway, we ended up staying until 6:45pm, at which time LM was full out crying hysterically. 

Both boyz were hungry...

The 15-20 minute drive basically was a cacophony of cries.  LM, I thought was going to lose his voice and the crying became perpetually heightened, escalating until I started tearing.  Then LBM started.  Well, that resulted in me now crying, trying to get home as fast as possible.  In pouring rain.  In the dark.  It was treacherous.  Husband was annoyed at all of the red lights I was catching and I was trying not to lose it. 

Probably the hardest thing to hear is those kids crying, for me.  I don't think I've ever let them cry for that long since they were born.  Hard to say what was going on in the hospital for those 19 days, but since they've been with me, I dare say I've let them cry for longer than 3-5 minutes. 

Too indulgent? 

Never.  Not for helpless little human beings who only want to be cuddled, fed, and loved.

Anyway, we got home and I let them suckle for 20 minutes and they were calm.  Breasts seem to do that.  Food source and comfort-source.  They then proceeded to sleep for 4 hours. 

WHAT THE WHAT?!?!?

I love'em... That's it that's all.

Inner Turmoil

I have inner turmoil that I have to get over.  And fast.  Maybe some exercise will help me clear my head.  I need to start getting out and working out.  I'm still going to wait a couple of weeks.  At least until my boob issues are resolved and they can tolerate some bouncing action.  Ugh.

Running Bra

Oh, and I ordered a running bra from Expressiva Nursingwear the other day.  Hopefully it will come soon.  And fit.  It was my first ever online clothing purchase.  OMG, I'm entering the technological age!!!

New smiling!

After I nursed the babies at 6 this morning, I burped them and put them down to sleep.  I came back to check on them and found them staring at each other, smiling.

My heart was full.  It was beautiful.

Excessive fawning...

...over my children, really bothers me.  It seems so insincere and ugh...

I gotta relax, huh?